i found my old xanga.

i looked through some of the posts and i kind of liked this one:


"affluence doesn't make you a better person. it just means you're luckier than the rest of us. i am not my circumstances. i am not my feelings, thoughts, or problems. i am not the house i live in, the car i drive, the job i have, or the college i go to. i am not my intelligence. i am not my vocabulary. i am not my ability or strength. i am not even my body. it is not my fault i was given the mind that i have. all i can do is try. it doesn't matter that it doesn't show on the outside. as long as i am trying on the inside in everything i do, I will matter as long as i am breathing. i am me. i am my heart and soul. maybe if i keep telling myself these things, i will eventually be good enough for me. i just wish i wouldn't let you unravel everything i stand on every time i talk to you. you tear me apart without even trying. and i don't think you're aware of it at all."



i don't remember writing that at ALL. and i have no idea who the last part is about. it was like 3 or 4 years ago.

everyone is graduating and getting married. actually i guess it's been a perpetual season of weddings ever since i graduated so i guess it's nothing new. it just seems like a lot of people lately because micaela, rebekah, and my dad are all getting married this summer/fall. i'm a bridesmaid in rebekah's, the videographer for micaela's, and i'm playing flute for my dad's.

what if i was a singer? or a photographer? mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. delicious.

i wrote evan a letter today and printed out some pictures to send. i wonder if he got to talk to his madre today. they only get to talk to their families on mother's day and chirstmas day. i'd probably die.

it was my dad's birthday yesterday and it's my little sister's birthday tomorrow. and it's mother's day today. i guess i better get to calling people asap.



PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZ. peace.

bears. beets. battlestar gallactica.

i am completely fed up with my stomach. entirely. i've decided i will be ripping it out of my body tonight with the help of bears. or sharks. whichever wanders into the vicinity of my front door first. i'll let them rip my entire GI tract to shreds. everything except the taste buds. those little guys can stay for when i happen upon treats that are in need of tasting. tasting but not ingesting! because ingesting virtually anything causes pain later. i ate FRUIT AND VEGETABLES AND BOILED EGGS FOR LUNCH for fucketty sake.... yet i still somehow managed to get so sick that i had to go home from work early completely humiliated. penny had to help me to aisha's car so she could drive me the 200 foot distance back to my apartment because my legs decided to be asses and suck at walking. thank god i didn't puke in the store or in her car. my boss ashly said i need to take care of myself and go to the doctor so i can get better. well i thought i was doing much better at taking care of myself but apparently it's not good enough for my stomach. and as for doctor-y things....... i think the only way my parents would help me pay for any of that shit is if i moved back home. which would make me completely depressed and feel like even more of a failure.


but there is some good news. paychecks are always good news, right?? micaela still wants me to be the videographer for her wedding so that's good. dad wants me to play flute at his wedding so that's good. i am slowly losing weight because of the tummy thing so that's good. and last but definitely not least, i have josh. and he is far more than anything i could have asked for in a best friend and a boyfriend. EXTREME goodness right there.


my birthday is in less than a month. 22 years woot woot. i can't belive i just wrote that word i hate a little bit. woot. sounds like a backwards owl.


apparently the last scrubs ever was on tonight. did anybody see it?


i'm gonna go lie down before i die some more. sorry for all the bitchage.